"If you're looking to improve your life, you've got to include everything, not just the things you're comfortable with."
Here's a breakdown of what is covered:
[00:00:00] - Welcome to the show.
[00:00:41] - Introducing James Heppner.
[00:03:15] - Who is James.
[00:16:04] - Cup half full vs cup half empty.
[00:24:33] - Living without expectation from others.
[00:54:05] - The worst part of the day.
[01:01:13] - The cold shower hack.
[01:09:36] - One last question.
Connect with James
Podcast: Weekly Wins and Losses with James Heppner on Apple Podcasts
Connect with me:
Website (Be A Guest/Request A Topic): www.motivategrindsucceed.com
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Remember that a goal without the necessary steps taken and implemented is just a dream!
Welcome, everybody. Welcome back to a brand new episode of the Motivate Grind Succeed podcast, which has the goal of improving the four foundational cornerstones of your life faith, fellowship, finance, and fitness to practice simple tips and takeaways in every single episode, you're going to leave with something today that you can do to better yourself in one of those aspects. If you're a returning listener, welcome back. If you're new, welcome to this show. I love all of you guys.
Quick favor, though, to anyone who is listening, new or returning. If at any point in time you get some value from this episode, share it with somebody. Just one person. That's all I ask. So that way we can get this word out, guys.
So with all that housekeeping out of the way, let's get right into this week's episode. As you can see, we have a guest on the show this week. We have James Heppner. And let's introduce James, because you all should know who with all the guests on the show, you all should know who these people are. But if by some reason you don't know who these people are, let me give you a little introduction as to exactly who James is.
All right? James likes to think of himself as an artist of experience. His passion is to create transformational experiences for himself and for others as a way to explore what it means to truly live fully alive. James is a results coach and founder of the weekly Wins and Losses podcast and weekly global community call. He helps people in their journey to embrace all of life, both the wins and the losses.
Equally, james helps you to firmly establish the mental and physical courage needed to do difficult things while guiding you to activate your ability to leverage the good news that lies at the heart of both a win and a loss. Very important and a loss as well. People from around the world find James when their way of handling losses just no longer works and it leaves 50% of life on the table and it's no longer an option. But, guys, James current client list ranges from well known professionals, executives, yes, believe it or not, average ordinary humans. Yes.
He doesn't just work with the high up, their people. He works with people like you and I. So he's relatable here, both of which are deeply hungry and curious towards the worthy work of breaking into and establishing a brand new dimension of life. James, welcome to the show, my man. How are you doing today?
Rashawn, it's an honor to be here. I am doing really well. And to be honest, when I heard from you and you asked me to come on your show and some of the thoughts that you brought forward, you sent me a little message and your thoughts that came forward, I'm like, this guy is going to be a fun interplay. This guy is something going on in everyone's brain. Let's be honest, there's something going on.
But the way that you contemplate not to solve, to exclude, but how can we make room for these things? So working attention, I could feel it in you that you're willing to onboard those things. And so, to be honest, I was waiting for this talk and this is my last talk of the day. So, hey, we're going to bring it. All right, we're going to go out with a bang then.
Let's do it today. All right, James, so as we start off with all the guests on the show, usually just to give us a little background into you, how did you get to where you are today? You can start from wherever you want. So you want to start from little James, just born all the way up to now, whenever you want to start to give us a little background on you. I already gave a little bit, but only you can tell your background the best.
Give us a little bit of introduction to you, to yourself, what do you do? And all those kinds of things so we can get the conversation rolling a little bit. Lovely. I was born into a family surprise. My parents were wonderful human beings.
My dad was a pastor of a megachurch, as a Christian megachurch. And so I was raised in a deeply steeped faith tradition. And it was a Jesus tradition. I'm still part of that tradition. I do follow the teachings of Jesus.
I really appreciate my faith looks a little different than the way I was raised. I was raised to I hate to say it, but transcendence in my family was primarily and how it is now with them, I don't know, but it was primarily through exclusion. So you transcend by excluding, you find a way that you're better then or your choice is more honorable or whatever the case is. And that doesn't fit with me anymore. It hasn't for well over a decade now.
My faith journey and my life looks a lot like transcendence through inclusion and not so as to be some people say, well, if you're just there, you're on the fence, you haven't decided yet. Are you going to live in a blue state or red state? Which one? I'm like, whoa, hang on, hang on. Because any time you make a decision from a place of this or that, it's a decision made from a place of fear.
And a fearful decision is always the wrong one, always. It'll net out. Basically, you're just running from danger is what you're doing. You're not really seeing the opportunity. Because if it's this or that, you're perceiving your decision based on where is there more danger and where is there more safety?
And you're never seeing the opportunity. Right? So if you take, for example, a coin, I got a coin in my hand and I challenge any listings. If you have coin, I don't really carry coins anymore. But if you want to touch a coin and feel it and you just feel that on one side of the coin you'll feel one thing and on the other side you'll feel the other finger.
Something different. What's interesting is this is life. Life is two sides. There's a benign and hostile side. Not good and bad, benign and hostile.
We must learn and get curious about both sides. If I were to say now take this coin and slap it down on the table and look at that coin and see the one side and convince yourself mentally that there isn't another side, that's insanity. But this is what we do. We try to get forward by saying there is one side and I need to make a decision right or wrong. And so what's interesting is this creates a lot of war and conflict, war and conflict from within.
And we're like how is it sold? Because I can reckon that there is just one side of the coin maybe by myself. But then when I'm with another person, the person turns a coin and maybe have a slapped down the table and see the totally different. Now because we don't comprehend each other's view, we can't connect. And suffering comes as soon as in my opinion, very just short paraphrasing.
Any and all suffering comes when we decide that we cannot comprehend. And we cannot comprehend. Typically most people can connect. So we have to get beyond comprehension being the only way that we can connect. We have to connect without comprehension.
And so maybe before you pick up the coin and nobody ever showed you the coin, if you look at the coin on the table you can only comprehend that it has one side until somebody says experience it. You say what do you mean? They say pick it up, put it into your hand, feel it, touch it, experience it in real life. When you experience it in real life, you begin to realize that the tensions you feel inside of you were sent as a gift. Not so that you could choose one or the other, good or bad, but they're designed to fuel you polarity.
Without it, there is no electricity. Life in and of itself, unless it's moving, it isn't alive, it's dead. And you ever want to see what it looks like to have a really enjoyable experience with tension. You'll experience someone you'll observe someone not exploding on the outside and they'll make room for plenty of things. Nothing wasted in God's kingdom, whatever that looks like.
There's purpose everywhere, not needing to play God and control the universe to certain desired outcome. That's what it looks like if you make room for. If you don't make room for you'll see someone that is constantly exploding from the inside to the outside and puking all their verbal diarrhea basically out there. So the war apparently they say happens out there. But here's the thing ask yourself the question personally, where does the storm exist?
Is it out there or is it in here? There's a person that sees water and thinks water to quench my thirst. Another person sees water and says, tsunami, it's going to come to kill us. So water isn't the thing. The storm happens and how we give things meaning.
Don't get me wrong. You see a hurt or you see a tornado, you might not want to just run into the center. Like, let's not be crazy, but maybe we could actually look at it and say, oh, this is what happens when there's a whole bunch of tension. Tension creates this amazing, powerful version of life. It's called a tornado.
You know what I mean? Just don't go near it. So I'm sure we'll get in the weeds on this one and down the line. But fear, fear is we have need of fear. Fear is helpful, but being afraid of fear isn't helpful.
So make us. And I'm going all over the place here, but let me say it like this. I'm a strategist. I'm a life coach.
I help people include the things that they once tried to push away. And the reason I do this is we all enter what we call half type show. The halftime show is like the football game. At halftime, the players go into and through the tunnel and they go into the locker room and they're going to have a little talk whether they're ahead or behind. Basically, it's like how you come out, guys, is hanging to finish the show is what's going to happen.
And so how you come out of the tunnel and by the way, when you're in the locker room, you typically go into the locker room. We all have this in life. At some point in time, you're going to run into a situation where there's so much pressure. You've never hit this level of threshold before. And you cannot seem to get forward the way that you once got yourself forward.
So you're hit from all sides. You're pressed from all sides like, how do I do this? And so it's very destabilizing, that time of life. And we get to decide what we're going to do with that. Are we going to exclude those things and say when we crush it and get beyond it?
Well, I got through it, in spite of which means we haven't learned a blasted thing. Because the only way you can transform is if you integrate what happened in your life. And that's not turning a negative into positive. It was never bad to begin with. So why do we need to be positive?
It was something that we could learn from. Maybe it wasn't our preference, but who say there isn't goodness found the things that are outside our preference? So fast forward. How you choose to come out of that tunnel after halftime show determines your life. So the last half of your life.
Typically, I spend most of my time with people. There people who already have gone through challenge who realize that, you know what, just trying to see things as one side. Meaning I'm just going to think that I get all of my strength through knowing. Oh, that's one dimensional living. Another dimension of living is when you get your strengths from knowing and unknowing stability and instability, security and insecurity, from fear, trying to get rid of it, to now I embrace it because everything has fear in it.
Everything has fear in it. And so if we're going to resist harmonizing with nature, nature seems to not really care. It just keeps saying, if you think that I should harmonize around you, it goes, that's funny, that's cute. How about you harmonize around me? So at the end of the day, when you come to play in the second half, you get to decide if now the things that once threatened you no longer do.
Once you were afraid of fear, now you dance with fear because it's an old thing. So you go like, listen, it's a fuel source. I'll use it. I know love is a genuine, lasting, sustainable fuel source. I get it.
The only thing is when fear shows up, not if when it shows up, you can choose to be afraid of it. And being afraid of it says, no. Only one side of the coin. I know there's two, but only one. You're wrong.
I'm right. Oh, have fun. I'm a bridge builder. Not so we can just stay on the fence. It's not the idea, but it's to use the tension to wrap this up.
You asked who I am. Use the tension to draw all this difference together. Difference not for indifference, difference for the beauty and the magic of life. Eternal life here, eternal life there, whatever that is. But life amazing, abundant.
James we could talk all day.
That was fantastic. Wow. I love the way you think. And then coming off of that, before I start getting to some of the questions that I have for you, what I got from that a lot was it's all about perspective. It's all about how we see things in life.
Just going back to the water example that you had, right? When you were talking about that, initially, the first thing I thought of was, I don't have one next to me, like you had a coin, but I was thinking about a glass half full versus a glass half empty type of thing, right? The optimistic versus the pessimist type of thought process, right? I was thinking about that and I was like, that's exactly what he's talking about here. He's talking about how are you going to see life?
Except what I think now, and correct me if I'm wrong, instead of seeing the optimist pessimistic thing, we should see it more as just like it's a glass of water. This is what it is, right? Instead of just going like, okay, grew, I have a glass half full of water, this is going to quench my thirst. And someone else is going, it's only a half a glass, this isn't going to do much of anything. Instead we should focus on just saying it's a glass of water.
What is it? This is a glass of water that will quench my thirst, full stop. And just like you were saying before as well with the situation that we have in life, when they're good versus bad, they're just circumstances, right? Every circumstance, no matter how you see it or how it comes to you, always has a good and a bad tool. Like you said, there's always two sides to the coin.
There's always two different people who will see one different scenario two different ways, right? Invite more people, they'll maybe have some kind of hybrid model or whatever it is, but there's always going to be a difference into how people are seeing different circumstances in different scenarios. And so I just want to piggyback off your point there and just say that, yes, that was definitely a good it was very informative and absolutely loved it. It was great. But I just want to throw my two cent, no pun intended in there.
Hey, can I have something that would that be okay? Can I just mention just comment? Cool. Absolutely. Sure.
It's interesting, right? I think so often in life, what ends up happening is we're trying to muscle our way towards some type of perceived finish line. And so we believe that the mind is giving us things that aren't helpful often. And so we're trying to convince ourselves that we would have a better answer. The only thing is what we have directly in front of us is what our world is.
Our thoughts or emotions that's present and trying to flee our presence never seems to work very well. You can blame your thoughts or say perhaps it has a purpose. I don't have to get too in the weeds on it. But this is something and I think trying to convince ourselves that we know better than what's happening. How about bringing safety?
I think a man to some degree a human woman, an indestructible spirit, is one that says to the play of I think you talk about faith and different things. I think if you look at even the Jesus figure, jesus chose to build his ego container. And ego container means you have the ability to hold more. People brought him heavy things and he carried them lightly. How so?
Because there was safety when they brought it to him, he could safely hold it. And he wasn't anxious about it. He could feel their anxiety. He himself felt anxious. But he brought safety.
He did the inner work to get himself like all transformation, any breakthrough will do once you perceive it as dangerous and not safe. But then when you experience something in life, like either a boss fires you, your girlfriend says, I'm not marrying you. I don't know. Your car breaks down. You think it's the worst thing until you realize you survived.
And you're like, hey, wait a minute. It answers the survival mechanism. You're like? Actually, I'm okay. So to the play on.
When you say cup half full, cup half empty, one of the things, and this is something, and I'll be totally honest, trevor was my first coach many years ago, and he was one of Tony Robbins top five coaches in the world. And really nice gentleman. I really appreciate him, and I still do. He's a friend of mine. And one of the things that he brought to the surface for me is the fuel we choose to use to show up in this world determines the opportunities we're going to see.
And I'm like, yeah, okay. What else do you have to say? Then he said to me, James, which part of the cup are you serving from? Cup half empty. Cup half full.
And I worked with them for a while. Ready? My life went from chaotic and messy like it is mostly and thinking it's all horrible. But also I was feeling an element of peace and joy that I never felt before. I'm like, oh, definitely half full.
And he goes, do you think half full or do you think couple overflowing? And I said, couple overflowing. To be honest, it just seems like this just is coming out. It just can't stay in here. It just comes out.
And he says to me, do you think there's another level? Not like we want to get utopia another level, but do you think there's something other than that? Would have you served from a more peaceful presence and less anxious presence, meaning maybe less for you to do something about? Maybe more like it's just a cup of water. So this is what he said to me.
Consider this. And so listeners, try this. Take a cup and get a dish and put it beneath your cup. Now take water and fill the cup and just let it overflow and watch how the basin that dish beneath catches the water. He said, when you serve, when you begin to live, trusting that there's always enough, you begin to serve from the dish, not the cup overflowing.
Meaning you know, that the cup will keep overflowing, you know, the cup. And that's the reality of life, the truth. Not fantasy play. But we talk ourselves into such crazy states that sometimes we think, cup half empty. I've been there in life, I understand.
But then we go, finally made it a cup half full. Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. This is so incredible. And you know what?
The thing is, to some degree we're still running on the same fuel, which is anxiety and just being afraid of fear. I made it here. I hope I don't go down to half full. Oh, my goodness, I got to keep striving. Here we go.
And people go, hey, you seem like you're a little hyper vigilant, a little anxious there by Fran. Are you okay? No, I'm just hustling that I feel so amazing. They're like, yes, and I know you are, and may life be great for you. Anyway, so then when the couple overflows, you're like, oh, my goodness, hit the next level.
And again, it's like, I hope I maintain this. I hope. And it's like, actually, what's the reality? The reality is, I think when we return to that which we came from, we arrived when we were born. We don't work towards some arrival date.
We arrived when we were born. If we think different, I know people that I coach. I coach them, like you said, average, ordinary people, but some pretty extreme entrepreneurs. Some names. If I'd say people probably know who they are, to be honest, if we're not careful, we're striving towards arriving.
Because I asked the question, when do we arrive? And you know what a lot of them say? Well, I haven't quite arrived yet. And you know what's interesting? As soon as they arrive, the goal pulse just moved.
That's what always happens, man. I'm telling you right.
Here'S the thing. If we just decide, wait a minute, I've already arrived. So now our spirit goes into place of peace. Now I get to create meaning. If I've arrived, I'm already serving from the cup overflowing.
I'm serving from that place. And when you begin to trust that there's always going to be enough for you to have a generous amount to serve from, life just changes. It just ends up being you get to be a giver without constantly indirectly being a taker. Like, I'll share a story with you last year, and I got a little garden here. And so I don't mind gardening.
I was raising the farm. But to be honest, my dad never really taught me how to do farming, though I drove tractor and truck. But to be honest, when I first planted I'll say this, when I first planted the seeds in the garden here, I was really anxious about what it's going to grow, and this is my experience. So last year here in Vancouver, I planted a couple of rows of carrots and cabbage and different things. And the one row of carrot was an orange carrot, the typical carrot.
The other row was a purple carrot. So it was some exotic carrot. I thought, I want to challenge myself, see if I can make this thing grow, help it grow. I water them every day, and I did all this stuff right, and would you know, the purple carrots brought decent increase, like a good harvest. The orange carrots never popped out of the ground, really.
And when I looked at the carrots, I remember thinking that was useless. I looked at the orange row. This is what I projected into that row, I said, this is horrible. I put all this effort in and all of a sudden I couldn't help but I stood up and I started weeping. And I realized, James, that's how you react when you don't receive.
You have expectation, you give, and you're grateful with the carrot here anyway, provided you get something. And I'm like, that isn't living at all. So it just brings us, and I think all of us, we can reckon, no matter how far along we are, but we have these moments where we wonder, right? We wonder, hey, listen, is there going to be enough for me? So anyway, to your play on the cup, half full, half empty.
Just challenge you and the listeners. If you need to take a cup, put on a dish, do this example and see it and go like, what is the truth here? Am I half full? Am I half empty? Am I cup overflowing?
Or do I get to serve from abundance? What actually is this? And resonate with the truth. When did you arrive half empty? You arrived half empty, right?
The primary language you have when you're a child is empathy. And empathy is at the core of language. Before you can speak a word, it's empathy. You could communicate everything you needed. Empathy, you have all you need of.
Anyway, that was pretty definitely a good comment. But I do have one question based on that, please. Do those orange carrots ever grow? Those orange carrots never came out of the ground. They never came out of the ground.
But you know what? To some degree, I'm thankful that they didn't. Because I get to say now, not in spite of them, did I plant more this year. And I crushed it and I conquered it. It's because of them that my anxiety has gone away now.
Because you know what? When you give, not expecting to receive, when you just put in the ground, because you just enjoy putting in the ground, honestly, I didn't have this restless, anxious anxiety towards, will it give something? Will it give something? I'm like, Well, I just put in the ground. We'll see what happens.
Let's see, basically, and let it alone, let that part alone. Don't go play where you're going to put your joy on the line in a weight position. I'm going to wait to see if I can be thankful that's suffering. Thankfulness is a choice you make and love is a choice. Love and thankfulness are connected.
Love, the true love, the only love is when you give and receive at the same time. Listeners, try this. Try talking gently to yourself or just being kind to yourself. And when you're kind to yourself, is it possible not to receive it the exact same time?
It is actually the only thing that happens. Giving and receiving happens at the exact same time. That's true love. So until you build that muscular chair from within. You're always suddenly looking to take from other people.
You don't mean to, but just like me, I was taking from the carrot. And so when we build musculature, people that work with me, we've exercised that we do, where you build the inner musculature, where you learn self love. Meaning before I start my day, I've already flooded myself. So give and receive happens the exact same time. So I don't buy the narrative anywhere anymore in my life experience, anywhere.
When I start my day at 07:00, 08:00, that if I give love, that I'm waiting for love to return. No love happened. I gave and received the exact same time. So I have zero expectation and I cannot in my opinion, I think that's the state of Florida, you're a genuine giver. You're not looking for some return and there's no willpower that you need to squash down the not expecting.
It's just that's what it is. So that exercise I created after the carrots, so I'm glad the carrots didn't grow because I created the exercise. There you go. Wonderful. Nice and honestly as a piggyback, too.
I know I keep saying we're going to get into the questions, but I'm just having a good time with this conversation right now. But that's also a very good way to live. In fact, living without expectation from other people, right? Because I know a lot of times, and it's something that I struggle with, too, and I know a lot of people struggle with it as well. A lot of times when you're going throughout life, you're going to want to do something, right?
You do something, whatever that may be, for somebody, whether it be a favor or something. And then what does our mind tend to instantly go towards? It goes towards, okay, you owe me one, or okay, I did you a favor, I did you a solid. I don't forget you owe me something, or anything like that, right? If you go and you just give and give and give without any expectation of return, what will happen is naturally because you're setting the bar there already, and you already don't expect anything.
You're just giving just because you just feel fulfilled giving. What ends up happening is that because you're already expecting nothing, you're never going to be disappointed, right? Because what ends up happening is when you receive nothing, you already expected nothing. But if someone comes back and gives you, thank you so much for helping me with this. Thank you so much for helping me with that.
Now it just gives you like this euphoria of like, oh my gosh, I'm doing such a great thing. Even though, like I said, again, you were expecting nothing. And even though you did that and you get that now, it inspires you because now you're getting positive feedback and now you want to go and do even more. And it becomes a cycle of just consistently saying, okay, I'm. Getting this.
I'm doing something good, help more people. I get more positive feedback, even though I'm not expecting any going round. And 100%, and I just wanted to bring up that point. That's definitely what that reminded me of, 100%. I think we can choose if life is going to owe you something.
If that's your belief, you're in for a wilder whoops. It might work for a while until it does, because it won't sometimes. Absolutely. I've definitely found that out throughout my years of living here that a lot of times, sometimes you just got to give somebody something and just let it be a lot of time. When someone's like, someone's like, hey, can I borrow $20?
I'll give you the $20, and be like, I don't expect that back. Even if they pay me back, that's great. But I already know, like, hey, for giving this person this, I might not ever get this back. That's also why I think that's also why I might be generous here, being. Generous for the sake of just being generous.
Sorry. Yeah, absolutely. No, that's all right. But I feel like I'm going to step on some toes here. But that's what I do on this show sometimes.
I feel that's sometimes why we are reluctant to give homeless people money sometimes because sometimes, like I said before, when we give, a lot of times we want something in return. And we know someone who's homeless cannot give us money back. They cannot give us time back. Right. I guess putting it into a more negative term, I guess they're taking our money because we're giving them, so we're not going to get back.
They're taking our time because time is ever moving. It never stops. So that took time out of our day. It might even cause a little bit of conversation of some sort. So if you don't even want to talk to them, now you're using words that you didn't even want to use at the start.
So again, all this kind of stuff, and you don't actually think about all this stuff. It just kind of subconsciously happens. And then you do a risk benefit analysis in your head and say, the risk of what I'm going to lose isn't worth the perceived benefit on the other end. But you never know what that's going to do. Well, you never know.
That's a fascinating interplay because I'm listening to what you're saying. And why is it when we see a homeless person, why does it become all about us? It's like, wait a minute, that's a good point. That's a good point. I never thought about that.
The homeless person, why are we saying, how is going to bet I get where you coming from? But it's funny because often times we can only hear, see, or listen and comprehend when what it is is it's helping us solve for our self preservation needs. Looking at it, I'm driving a car. The person doesn't have a car and is begging, and I can clearly see that they're high as a kite, but they're struggling.
Going to the bar isn't all horrible. Giving him another hit with $10 isn't all horrible. Maybe that will save his life.
My fatherinlaw is an alcoholic. I would perceive that as a problem. But for my father in law, it's the solution to deal with life for the moment. So maybe for the first stage, I used to only give I was kind of shown, I guess, don't give someone money if you know it's going to go to like if you could smell breath or alcohol on them or whatever. And I see it very differently now.
I see it like, wait a minute. I too have things that are solution for me, like the human, by the way, the human cannot act incongruent with what he or she or it whatever thinks is a solution. Hitler the reason he acted the way he did, it wasn't because he thought he was a problem. He acted because he thought he was a solution. That's why he did what he did.
We would perceive that's a problem. But here's the thing. My solution isn't someone else's solution. So if I'm looking at it going, you're asking me for money and you're looking for another hit, something's going on. I have to empathize.
I get to choose to empathize. Do I choose to empathize that you live different than I do and you just need to be like me and see my world? From my view, that person has lived a very different life. Even though that person was a twin of mine, that person takes a step in life a little different than I did, see things, perceived things different. It's not the same.
Absolutely. So here's the thing. We must choose to empathize when they see this as a solution. So I don't think it's beneficial for us to control them. I talked to a gentleman yesterday and he says to me, he was the one that brought AA to British Columbia.
It's a province. And he says, you know what's fascinating is people think that it doesn't work to influence without a measure of control. And he goes, it works because he goes, the one thing that Attics will show you right from the beginning is if you ever think that you're going to inflict some or if you're going to take some measure of control into the life. The very reason they are an addict typically is because they're saying, you're not touching. If I say I'm going to hurt myself, I will, because my solution f off.
Basically part of the language f off. So at the end of the day, here's the thing. Everyone acts out of their place of solution. And if we see that as a problem for ourself, I think we have to first ask yourself'how, could this be a solution for them? How could it be?
How could it be? My father in law ends up not. He's contemplating suicide so often. Never done it. He gets his bottle at the end of the week.
Is it beneficial? I wouldn't say so, but he's still surviving. He gets to make a choice. So I think we got to be so hyper vigilant that we don't project that we know the answer, because we got something figured out. It's not really how it works.
I don't think that it just doesn't work. No. I remember back in my college days, it weren't too long ago, but I remember back in my college days, and I had an engineering professor, and then he told us this was relating to because he had a PhD. So he's relating and telling us how a PhD essentially works. And so he said if you were to take the picture of, like, a circle, right?
So you take a circle, and that circle represents all of human knowledge that we know, right? At this second, a PhD literally gives you just a pimple on the top of that circle that pushes the extent of human knowledge. And so why do I bring this up? I'm bringing this up because in the vast, grand scheme of life and I'm not saying a PhD is not impressive, PhD is very impressive for all the people out there getting one. What I'm saying is, when we are in our zone of genius, whatever that is, it is such a narrow zone in comparison to all the knowledge that we have throughout any type of anything in life.
Like I said like I said for you, James, you're a life coach, right. So your zone of genius is in that, right. Again, there's many things in life that I'm pretty sure that you're not the most skilled at. There's many things in life I definitely am not skilled at. Right.
I know I'll be good at public speaking, for example. I've been told I'm good at that. However, even though I'll be good at public speaking for something, I'm not the best when it comes to, I would say how to build a building or how to be artistic or how to draw. Like I say, I can't draw a stick in my life. So to actually gain your strength from what you know and what you don't know, that's it right there.
It's not just from what you know. Go ahead. Love it. Sorry. Yeah.
Having that skill or having that ability and whatever it is, was a gift that you said it was a gift that you were given, and that is your zone to be able to do good with that. Why in the Lord's name am I going to take my skill and act like I'm king of the world with that, right. To me, it doesn't make any sense. Go ahead. If that were to happen to me and to you, I'd say our insecurity is showing, because why are we threatened?
Because we don't have it all figured out. We're trying to solve to be God. Come on. Exactly. I'm just a human being.
I love to lay on my back at night sometimes and look at the stars and be like, holy smokes, I'm not holding this. How does this work? I don't have a clue. I got a banana tree. It's growing here in Vancouver.
How it's growing? I have no idea. If I tried to do it all over again, couldn't do it by myself, I can't do it. Nature, there's something that's going on. We desire to be big and small at the exact same time.
Experience both. I was going for a walk, I stepped on a handheld. I didn't mean to kill a bunch of ants, probably. I was thankful by the grace of God, whatever it looks like, that I didn't have to die that day. But at the same time, I'm grateful that I get to be small.
I'm like, wow, lay on the back going, yeah. I'm also thankful I get to be like an aunt. And honesty, our life can just end just like that, just how it goes. Absolutely. And let's dive into that a little bit because that's a definitely interesting point.
Talk about biggest one. And I'm also taking a peek at my questions and then all just kind of naturally kind of flowing together. So that's actually working out pretty well. But like the whole term of big and small. Right.
So I guess does that correlate to the whole thing of how we should take life is not necessarily positive and negative, but as an experience as a whole? As you said, when you stepped on the anthill of everything, does that mean at the same time you realized, yes, I'm a big individual in comparison to an ant in terms of size, but in terms of you, to the size of the globe, you were minuscule. Absolutely minuscule. I want to dive into that a little bit more. Thanks.
Your language are really good, Rashawn. Thanks, I would say. And how you queue, that up. To me, what I feel myself caring about is that we get to experience something beyond singular. We are just one thing.
Fully alive means are many things. If I'm solving to be one thing, I'm not going to make room for a lot of people. I'm going to have a very small life, affect very few people. But if we're more than one thing, it's like, oh, really? How could that be?
And what's interesting is what needs to happen for us to live a bigger life than singular is just allow yourself to be transparent and trust that what we're feeling is there to draw us into the connective place of being like, why do I feel so great laying on the grass and being small like the ant? To some degree? Because, to be honest, instead of me going blatant up like the ant dumb schmuck, I'm sitting here going, yeah, if I'd be using words like that towards the end. Look at me now laying here. Is that how God sees me?
Like dumb schmuck? And I'm going, you know what's interesting? What's interesting is we get to realize in real time that we are both big and small, which means we can connect to anything and everything instantly. If we left, we're not solving for singular, then we're there. Now, let me say it like this, just to kind of move it along a little bit.
Typically in life, I got two boys, 17 and a 15 year old. The testosterone has both come in for both of them.
I committed when my boys were young that I was going to raise lions. But lions learn their growl at home. So before they leave the home, they know what the line feels like, not so that they could stay lines, but that they could transition into welcoming the line and the lamb at the exact same time. However, the first half of life is you're looking for most things. I can give you answer.
Like for my son, Google, to large degree, he loves coding google, they say to the exact degree that you're proficient at researching, like on Google is what makes you a good coder, meaning you get the answers fast. So what you're solving for is answers. You get strength from answers, answers, answers, answers, answers. You're needing to buy your first house, you're needing your first job or first business. So what you do, it's a beautiful setup.
You actually try to minimize some of this noise, and so you just focus on answers. And so you look for shortcuts and all these things. And so you exclude a bunch of things, and everyone that age does that because there's so many things going on, you got to focus on something. So the answer at that stage is and when Rowan tests my oldest son, who's 17 now, but when his testosterone came in, he's 13, he comes down one day and he walks downstairs and he goes like this. It makes his arm big.
So he's showing us that he's big. He's showing us he's big. I'm becoming big. He wants to be like dad or like mom. Mom isn't like big.
Mom is like 410 and three quarter or nine three quarter. She's a small, little human, and I'm six one. But anyway, big, he's saying, oh, I'm going to take up space. So the first half of life, you want to take up space because you go like, hey, listen, I'm breaking away from mom and dad. I can do it on my own.
I can pay my own bills. Watch this, go to go to college. You're big. It's a beautiful thing because you're proving to yourself, who am I? Am I going to leach off mom and dad, or am I going to fend from my own?
Like I feel something. Testosterone is a natural hormone. It bathes us and it brings us there, right? So what's interesting is if you ask me the other day, we're going for a walk, and I'm the kind of person, like, when it comes to health and fitness, I love to go to the edge. I live on the edge.
And where I'm probably not very good is enjoying life when it's not on the edge. I love living on the edge. Not too far, not over the edge. I've gone further, faster and hurt myself and others. I don't do that anymore, I've learned.
So the people that I work with, I take it further, faster, without hurting, meaning we don't go past it, but we feel the edge. And it's not an edge. That's the same for everyone. Everyone. We determine what that edge is for them, and then they live there on the edge.
And so it isn't to say that the way I live now where I'm able to get strength from both small and big. Rowan mainly getting his strength from being big because he was once small. He was so small for so many years, he wants to be big. So now he gets his strength from having answers. So like I was saying, I love going to the edge.
I'm the kind of person that, for example, will import eggs from California. I live in Canada, and I do this because sometimes the eggs we get here have been fed grain. I don't want any grain or any soy. And in the winter months, they typically feed their chicken some grain here. So I import eggs from California.
They arrive at the border, they give me a big hassle. But I do this because I'm committed to my health. I'm going for a walk with Roland, my oldest son, 17. And he says, dad, why do you do the eggs thing? And I give him I'm thinking to myself, he's not going to be that interested in health.
I already know this. So I give him the synopsis, the short version, right? Thinking I'm helping him. Yeah, dude, I studied this stuff for like I do this with all of my stuff. I study it, I go really deep in it, and I figure out and I know the reasons, but I'm like, I'm just going to give him what his attention wants to handle right now.
So as we're walking, I'm realizing he's looking down at his phone. I'm like, what are you doing? And he's typing into his phone about eggs. And he goes, dad, did you know this is what it says? This is all the precious Google.
And he goes, there's no benefit to eating eggs without grain. So he could come up with the answer so quickly. See, he's doing that not because he's not trying to connect with me, but the reason I make this point, if we don't transition at some point and typically it's halftime show, typically half time in life when you're pressured things are hitting you from all angles where you have need of making room for more things. It's not working to take a singular approach because maybe you don't take the time when you're young to lay on the grass and feel small, but something will happen where you're going to feel about this small and you can't answer for it. Google won't give you the answer.
What wants work, getting all your strength through answers and knowing and all that stuff and just being big is now going to fall and you're going to go through transition and that transition is going to probably feel uncomfortable because you're going to say, wait, I once felt strong. Now I can't as not to say you can't, but it's designed that season to say, listen, you can get strength from both being big and small. So you're probably in the stage. Your age group, let's say you, but your age group is in the stage where it's mostly still answers and all these things. And so my job as a human isn't to look like as yours is not to say your way is bad and my way is bad.
I recognize you're still finding answers, but I can already tell on your questions that you're open enough. You're already making room for this because if you don't make room at some point in time you will transcend. But you'll come out of the tunnel at halftime show after you've been in the locker room and you'd be like, no, I don't want to transcend by including, I'm going to exclude watch me. And you're going to end up looking really crazy as an old man wearing tights or something. It's going to be awful, you know what I mean?
Oh, man, that would be hilarious to see like a grandpa wearing skinny jeans or something, right? What happens? It happens. You see this all the time. You see like, hey, you're denying your age and you're like so afraid of death.
You haven't died at half time in life or when something happens, you can already awaken to the reality. So you have to accept death. Death in a moment and resurrection in a moment. It can happen as many times as you like. So bottom line, I would say when I think about big and small, it's not one or the other.
If we have to choose one or the other now, we're screwed. But to the point of bringing the line in the Lamb, the reason that I brought these two together, I got a little image in the walls, a big picture of a line and a big picture of a Lamb next to each other. I read Ecclesiastes years ago. I was going through a season, my life and I thought, who's this Jesus person anyway? And as I read that chapter, I remember thinking to myself, wow, he must have had amazing wheel power because it's a time to love or hate, right?
I thought, or hate. And I'm like, wow. Always having to decide how did he knew which is the right decision? This is incredible. But he said, we could do this.
How can we do this? And I go, I can't because I always f it up. But I always f it up somehow I get the timing off or different things and then I reread it and it says not love or hate. It says love. And so it's both and at the exact same time.
So here's to my play. I once went through a horrible season of life because I was very firm but not soft. Then what happened is I checked out a life for about two and a half years, sedated myself in melatonin and gravel because I went through transition. We had an audit that came my son was born with high functioning autism. So this is the period where your pressural sights.
Then when I came out of that story, I remember saying, oh, I see what the problem is. See, the line is the problem. It's too firm. So my wife is more like a lamb. I became a soft human being and it kind of lacked the shit spa of life.
It kind of lacked the energy. I'm like, what is this? So, I had to have the conversation of myself am I willing to become a lion again? Like a lion I just came from that create the suffering. And then because of ecclesiasty, just say both.
And I was like how if I could bring in the healthy parts of the line and bring in the healthy parts of the lamb. And what I discovered is this. It's called fierce love. I just call it lie. Amloving.
Lie am living. So it's lion and lamb together in heaven. It says the lion and lamb will playfully wrestle. But it says thy kingdom come on earth as is in heaven. So the scripture itself does say we have the ability to live in a heavenly, not utopic but heavenly state, meaning field attention.
The lining in the lamb, firm and soft at the exact same time. No willpower required.
Absolutely. Yeah. And that also goes back to the point as well that I made a little bit earlier. I think I made this point a little bit earlier where it talks about like we just don't know everything, right? Because I'm of the mindset that there is always something to learn, right?
Every day that we are here. The way I put it, and I tell a lot of people this and I've said this on the show before is that it sounds a little morbid, but stick with me for a SEC. And it's like ask yourself if you've woken up this morning and you're looking at yourself in the mirror, that means you are not dead yet, right? You're not dead yet. That means you still have a purpose on this earth.
You still have stuff to do, you still have people to impact. You still have stuff to learn to become a better person overall. I agree. Like a point blank done. That is the conclusion.
And the theory that I have come to is that if you're still alive on this earth, you still got stuff to do. And I could go on a tangent on this for a long time. I'll try to refrain, but it's like, why then do some people then focus on all the bad parts of life and say, oh, I can't get this, oh, I can't do that, no one loves me, or something that we're like, oh, I can't get a car. Oh, I can't get a job, I can't do that. You're still alive, though, like, at the end of the day?
Yes. These things are hitting you from left, right, front, center, everywhere. And I get it. I understand. As you said before, James, we've all been to those parts in our life where we're all just feeling the hits from every which angle, all 365 degrees of that circle.
Something's hitting you. But at the end of the day, you're still alive. Why? Because there's something always to learn. You are going to come out of the tunnel.
If you're still alive, you're going to come out of that tunnel. You're going to come out better. You're going to come out stronger. I don't know who said it, but it's been a while since I heard it, so I'm not going to take credit for it. But you have to trust the process.
I think GaryVee said that. But you have to trust the process, right? Because so many times we want the answers now. We want the results now. Like me being pretty good into fitness myself, right?
That's part of the cornerstones of the show. My dream is to have a nice protruding six pack, right? Just beautiful on the beach shirtless, and bam, just pops. Looks like a washboard. You know what I mean?
That's like the goal right there. The thing is, everybody wants that, but you have to work for it. No one wants to work for the six pack. No one does. If it was easy to snapping your fingers and you could get a six pack, people would do it.
Why do you think cool sculpting is a thing? Why do you think abdominal etching is a thing? Why do you think app implants are a thing? Because people want to skip the hard work. Now, are there places for those things that you have some stubborn little fat areas?
If you want to get a cool sculpted off, sure, why not? Go ahead and do your thing. But if you want to use that as a substitute and not a supplement let me say that one more time. If you want to use things as a substitute and not a supplement to what you're already doing, you're not going to get anywhere. If you take a short cut in life, you're going to get cut short.
That's just how it is. Lovely. You will eventually get cut short. 100%, 100 million%. It's so fascinating.
It's a story, and I'm an amateur in the Bible, but there's a story in the Bible, King Solomon, and you know it, he had it all. But if you reflect what he says at the end of his writing, at the end of the writing, he says, and I'm going to box the exact terms, but he has a reflection and he basically contemplates that maybe he left a whole bunch of life on the table because he didn't choose something other than what he had preference for. You see, we want the six pack, but we don't have preference to doing the hard work. The only thing is leaning into discomfort and hard things is how we gain self respect. And self confidence isn't standing in front of the mirror with your hands and your hips.
Self confidence is doing uncomfortable work that you respect. This is where you get that works. Speaking of uncomfortable work, I really enjoy taking cold showers, cold baths. But tomorrow, yeah, tomorrow cryotherapy device is arriving in my house. I'm super excited.
So a full blown cryotherapy with an elevator in it, it's arriving at my plate. I got a whole bunch of biohacking gear. I've got hundreds of thousands in my lab. I love biohacking. So when it comes to health, my friend, I'm a health nut.
Interesting. As a complete aside to that, have you ever heard of the YouTuber, the Pioneer? Because I watch a lot of his videos. So he takes an approach to fitness called functional training to where it's pretty much like you're not just strictly just lifting weights for reps or anything. You're training so that way you can actually be more functional in day to day life.
Yes, there is lifting. So he works with calisthenics, he works with some weight lifting. He also works with, I think, the animalistic movements as well. So like walking on all fours or walking barefoot on the ground instead of having to shoot to come for you and everything. So I know that was kind of interesting how you brought that up because I love it.
I do things all the time too. You know what? And not to be totally honest, I was raised on the farm, so everything that we did was functional. Muscle and strength is actually gained best when you're out of balance. So when the human walks, even walking makes you stronger.
I mean, not really, it's not lifting, but it makes you stronger because you're out of balance. When your 1ft comes up and in the air, you're out of balance for a moment. The kangaroo walks in two legs, but the human doesn't. The human walks one leg at a time. Boom.
You're always out of balance and decentered constantly. So muscle confusion, I mean, that's a little overrated the way that they talk about this, but. Hey. The weightlifting industry is done because it's not functional muscle anymore. The weight lifting performance is back in the day, the Coliseums, whatever they had, it was so that they could do something with it.
Walk backwards, handstand up a flight of stairs. So, to be totally honest, I only started, really on my health. I'm 46 and I started when I was 40 and I was Â£185 with about 32% body weight or body fat. I dropped well, let me first say this. I engaged.
So if you want to check out some really cool, go to www. Dot x threebar.com it's bands, but not any typical band. Not the cheap latex. And it has a bar that pivots. I've been doing this program.
It takes me five to seven minutes a day. I don't need to go to the gym, throw away. So there's no excuses. I've taken it on the plane. It's no excuse.
And I do it three or four times a week. So do the math. Ten minutes, max. Four times a week, 40 minutes. When you exhaust every range of motion, it's beyond what you can do with free weights.
Because free weights, if you think about it, if you've got a 50 pound dumbbell in your hand and you're doing, like, the lower so you surf from the bottom, the weight stays the same at the bottom. So where are you going to exhaust first your bottom range of motion? So what you really want is you want less tension there, and you want to increase it as you go up. All that I can say is it went from 185, 35, 32% body fat, and I dropped down originally, I dropped down to Â£146, 66% body fat. And now I've put that way, and now I've put on, in a short period of time, Â£35 of raw power performance, lean muscle mass.
Functional. Functional. Not scar tissue. Because when you go to the gym I hate to say this, but they train you to train through your pain. That's what creates scar tissue.
Scar tissue is no muscle. Scar tissue adds weight that your heart has to pull around. It's not going to help. It's bad for you. So, anyway, when it comes to that, everything, just so you know, I have ozone therapy, I have cryo, I have a bone density device.
Cost me 100,000 for one device. And so it's medical gear. I have a plate that makes me totally unbalanced while I do my exercise on this thing. So it's not about all that I have. All that I'll say is, for me, I really like working hard, but I like it on the farm where I became strong and I can do stuff, meaning I exhausted in every range of motion.
One, two, three. I'm in. I turn this on. It's like you take in a cold shower, hermesis, you turn on and then you turn that slight information on your body can respond and get stronger because of it. So in the same that level, dude, I got a lot of respect if you're doing that already.
Yes, definitely. And for people who think that we're crazy doing a cold shower, I can't speak for James. I can speak for myself. I don't stay in the cold shower in five or ten minutes. Okay.
I don't do that. Okay. I don't know if you do, James, but I don't.
Oh, boy. Okay. What happens actually, is I can stand there probably for an hour or two, because at roughly eight minutes, once you break that threshold, the water actually starts feeling warm after a certain point. That's true. It actually happens.
True. So that's very true. I could definitely attest to that myself, because that's when you go in, you just got to hold your breath, get to that first initial cold plunge because it's uncomfortable. And I know we went off to this fitness tangent, and we're coming up on time a little bit. I just want to say, when we talk about going through discomfort, I actually watched this YouTuber.
His name is Richard Uzi. Right? And I watched him because he's around my age. He's a UCLA grant. He's doing a great job in his coaching business and everything right now.
But the reason why I bring him up is because even throughout UCLA, every single morning, he would take a cold shower, and he would document it. Every single morning, he take a cold shower, and he would say that going through that discomfort was usually the worst part of his day. No matter how many sales calls he had to make, no matter what kind of subjects he had to study, no matter what, if he could get through that painful cold shower for the five or so minutes, however long he was in there, he was in the rest of the day, he was set mentally because it was a piece of cake. And I have found that not only when I take my cold showers as well is it the exact same thing. But not only that, I don't need coffee in the morning, right?
Because usually if I don't take the cold shower, I'm usually find myself drinking two cups of coffee and a cup of tea, and it's not even 10:00 in the morning yet. If I take a cold shower, I may drink one cup of coffee, but that cold shower, I guarantee you, it's going to wake you up the same. Before you even step in the water, you're already waking up like, okay, I don't want to do this. I want to do this. I've done that before.
You leave the shower, and then, like, two minutes later, you're already tired again. Now get in the shower and do it. Just go in. My recommendation is just go in head first, get your head cold first, and then the rest of the time. And you know what?
If you want to try something, try this. If you get in the cold shower, if you feel yourself tensing up, just ask yourself, why am I bringing so much discomfort to myself? Why am I clenching? So I challenge you to say, you know what? I'm just going to do opposite of what my body is saying it wants to do.
Meaning I'm in control. My body is freaking out, but I get to tell my body that we're going to get comfortable with this. Not hyperbole. You're going to feel the cold. Be like, It's cold.
But why is cold so dangerous? So I challenge you to just open your fist and just stand there and just put your chest back and let it hit you in the chest. Just bring it. And it's not like, I'm going to slay. You a bitch.
It's not like this, right? Part of the language, but it's like, just bring it to me. Just let it run on your parts and turn your back to it. That's the worst, right? I know.
Right on your shoulder. That's what you're breathing, right? Yeah, right up there. Because I'll get my chest first, and I'll be like, okay, I'm good. Then I remember.
Oh, I got to turn around. Oh, no, it's bad all over again. Yeah, it's bad all over again. So what's fascinating is I like the example you gave so much because I think I want to just stress that the cold water is something that cold water acts as a vehicle in your mind to help you decide what you will do when you experience uncomfortable things. It's just a vehicle.
And if you can tell yourself when you wake up in the morning, I will be faced with uncomfortable things. But instead of me waiting for them to show up to see how I respond, you wake up and you say, no. I am the voice. I am going to tell my body when something happens that's uncomfortable, I stay with it until the gift appears. I stay with it until the gift appears.
I stay with it until the gift appears. Because if you run from uncut discomfort, you will miss the gift. You're going to be looking for acres of diamonds in your neighbor's yard. Look for it in your life. Look for what happens in your own experience.
And so it's like this. You get in the shower, you feel uncomfortable, and you're saying, yes, I'm actioning. The very thing I don't have preference for. That's how you respect yourself. You challenge yourself towards doing difficult things.
You stretch your shower from a minute to a minute and a half to two minutes to three minutes. And also you get to four to five. And also one day, it might be a year or two later, whatever it is, but if you do it every day, one day you'll arrive at also in a certain minute threshold, your body will totally relax. Because here's the thing. When you embrace the cold water instead of saying, no, I don't want to feel cold.
I just want to feel warm. You're like, okay, well, bring stillness to that voice. No, I want to feel cold water. Yes, maybe I have preference for hot, but why is cold so dangerous? I want to feel it.
What does it make me feel? Amazing. As soon as you connect with that feeling, all of a sudden your body will be like, oh, it's not threatening anymore. And you are commanding and demanding inside your life. When you do that in the cold shower, that when something else shows up in life during the day, and it will.
You have made a decision that you're not going to flinch. And when that happens, you can be a beneficial presence. You can be a beneficial presence not only to you, but to the world around you. When everyone's running for the exit signs, you get to stay calm. It's a muscle that you build.
So cold water therapy is amazing therapy for that. Like, you will realize who you are in there, and you get to decide, am I going to fight this? I'm not going to give in. Just like, oh, baby, bring it to me. Just come on, let's have it.
Let's do this. I get to get them in the shower with cold water. It's incredible. Absolutely. And then just two quick things on that.
Number one, if you're going to be taking cold showers, just breathe, okay? Watch Wim HOF. I know you might love them, you might hate him, but Wim HOF, you're good at that. And the one thing I got from that is just breathe. Just breathe in and out and breathe deep.
Don't breathe shallow because the cold water is going to hit. And then your autonomic nervous system is going to kick in into fight or flight instantly. Just calm that breathing down. And after a minute or so, like James was saying, eventually it will start to feel warm. It sounds crazy, but it will start to feel warm.
It's crazy how that works. And the second thing I want to bring up, this kind of work, we're right about the time here, is that with t
James likes to think of himself as an artist of experience. His passion is to create transformational experiences for himself and others as a way to explore what it means to truly live - FULLY ALIVE.
James is a results coach and founder of Weekly Wins and Losses podcast and weekly global community call. He helps people in their journey to embrace all of life - both wins and losses equally.
James helps you firmly establish the mental and physical courage needed to do difficult things while guiding you to activate your ability to leverage the good news that lies at the heart of both a win…. AND A LOSS.
People from around the world find James when their way of handling losses just no longer works, and when leaving 50% of life on the table is no longer an option.
James’ current client list ranges from well known professionals and executives to average ordinary humans - both of which are deeply hungry and curious towards the worthy work of breaking into and establishing a brand new dimension of life.
Life can be good news - if we let it.
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